


Anger Before Bliss

by mannysue



Category: Death Note
Genre: Anger, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 21:08:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3396392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mannysue/pseuds/mannysue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>L was depressed. Depressed that his deduction was wrong. Light is very much not pleased by this change in L's demeanor. He decides to take action.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anger Before Bliss

L was depressed. Depressed that I was not who he thought I was. Depressed that his deduction was wrong. He was giving up and getting lazy. “It’s useless to catch anyone.” God, that pissed me off. Here we were trying to find a serial killer and he was just slacking off. World’s greatest detective my ass. ”It’s better not to try so hard.” About the time he said this I saw red. “Ryuzaki,” I said as calmly as physically possible. He turned to me questioningly. I had meant to say something clever and cutting but instead my body took over and I felt my arm reel back and my fist make contact with his gaunt face. He went flying and I realized, a bit too late, that we were attached to each other. So, of course, I went flying right after him. He hit the wall while I managed to stay on my feet. “That hurt,” he turned to me incredulously. 

Grabbing his shirt, I told him that he was being lazy and needed to make a move if he wanted to catch Kira. I reminded him of the innocent people he had dragged into this and the fact that he had confined Misa and me. “I know,” he said, “but whatever the reason….” He jerked out of my grasp and I was confused for a moment. My confusion disappeared when his foot connected with my chin. “An eye for an eye.” I stumbled backwards and dragged L with me. The first jolt was me hitting the couch, the second was L following suit. The final thud was the couch toppling over and crashing against the floor. He quickly recovered and crouched above me while I took a second to right myself while he was talking. “I just realized… I wanted you to be Kira.” My blood boiled at this and I was once again punching L in the face. He stood his ground and repeated his new catchphrase, “An eye for an eye.” I received another kick, but I was ready this time. I pulled on the chain connecting us and led him right into my fist. We both grabbed each other’s shirts and pulled hard, simultaneously throwing our fists back, preparing to attack. Then something strange happened. As we were glaring at each other things suddenly changed. The atmosphere became thick as I stared into his face. My face showed utter shock at the shift in the mood. L was now wearing a similar expression with a fire behind his eyes. But this fire was not anger; it was something more passionate than that. I felt my body react to his gaze heavily and I couldn’t help the sharp inhale that followed. This made his eyes flash darkly and he moved his face just a fraction closer. I started to move forward too, almost without thinking. I just needed to be closer to this new L. Our fists were still raised, but forgotten as we were drawn together. Then the air suddenly thinned and the room snapped back into my awareness as the phone ripped open the curtains of lust that had just surrounded us. L answered it and I heard Matsuda say something. It was probably something stupid. My theory was confirmed a moment later by L. 

Looking around us we realized the extent of the destruction we had just caused. Misa was staring at me as if I had just slapped her face. I sheepishly looked back and began straightening the room. I refused to look L in the eye. He was obviously as confused about what happened as I was and Misa was blissfully unaware of the awkwardness between L and me. We spent the rest of the cleaning session straining against the chain trying to stay as far away as possible. It’s not that I wanted to stay away from him, quite the opposite in fact; it was that I didn’t want to cause a stir amongst the other investigators and I didn’t yet know exactly how L was feeling about the incident. I decided I would wait until we were alone and then possibly try to broach the subject. We returned to the main room of headquarters. I was certain that everyone on the team had seen the moment of passion between L and me and I was expecting anything from questioning looks to expressions of utter disgust. But I saw none of these. No one looked any different than usual. It seemed that they were all as clueless as Misa. Relief washed over me and I almost smiled at L to share this moment of triumph, but I froze when I realized that might not be the most welcome thing right now. There was still some tension there and I didn’t want to assume anything. So instead of making eye contact I made a beeline for my computer and planted myself in front of it. L did the same and we both sat in silence for a while. 

Matsuda said something. I ignored him. I ignored everyone’s yammering. I couldn’t bring myself out of my thoughts. I kept replaying the moment from before over and over. Each time I thought about L’s eyes looking at me like that it sent a shock running through my body. I couldn’t work like this. I could barely think. I spent the next two hours trying to look busy and succeeding for the most part until a horrible thought hit me: I was going to be alone with L in a few hours and I had no idea what I was going to say or do. My first choice would be to confess my newfound undying love and ask him to marry me, but that seemed a bit far-fetched. I furtively glanced at L and tried to think of an attack strategy. My brilliant mind was failing me. I ran through a number of situations. I could try to be sneaky about it and ask him indirectly how he feels. I could be upfront and simply ask him what the hell was going on. Or I could suppress all of my feelings and pine after him for the rest of my life. These were not my only options but they seemed to be the most promising ones. The rest of the afternoon slipped by as I pondered my life and what I had gotten myself into. Suddenly it was dinnertime and I hunched over my food and continued to ignore the other life forms around me. After we had eaten I felt like there was a dead weight in my stomach. The anxiety was starting to get to me. I was simultaneously dreading going to my shared room and wanting to get it over with. L seemed to be completely at ease so I tried to follow suit. It didn’t work. I was a ball of nerves and I was on the edge of panic. 

Finally it was time. Everyone was saying their goodnights and I was silently begging them to stay and not leave me alone with this man. But they didn’t stay and I was doomed. L turned to me. “Let’s go.” I reluctantly followed him up the stairs until we reached our floor. I opened the door and we went inside. My heart was about to explode. I could barely see straight as L un-cuffed me so that I could get ready for bed. He stripped off his shirt and I couldn’t help but gape. I had seen him shirtless before but this was different. I blushed crimson as I looked away. He seemed to notice and asked me what was wrong. “Nothing…” I said, “just tired.” He looked at me for a moment then shrugged and moved on with the rest of his evening ritual. I grabbed some pajama bottoms and bolted into the bathroom. I stared myself down in the mirror. ‘You have to do something,’ I told my reflection. I splashed some water on my face in a vain effort to wake up my brain. After spending as much time as I could in there without it being suspicious I emerged clad in my pajama pants. L was similarly dressed and moved past me silently into the bathroom as I tried not to stare. I was simply going to die. That was how this was going to turn out. I was going to have a stroke from the stress of this situation. Resigning myself to this theory I patiently awaited L’s return. When he was done in the bathroom he chained us back together and started toward the bed. I hesitated slightly and then followed. We settled in and I tried to act as casual as I normally would, but I was shaking and overthinking everything. ‘Where should I put my leg?’ ‘Should I face him or not?’ ‘Is he nervous too?’ All of these thoughts flashed through my head as I pulled the blanket up to my chest. L turned to me. “Light…” My heart jumped to my throat. Was he going to say something about what happened earlier? “Yes?” I answered. “….Goodnight,” he said as he turned off the light and plunged us into darkness. 

I was relieved and disappointed that he didn’t say anything meaningful. As my eyes adjusted to the dim room I tried not to move. I wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible. I felt that if I moved I would disturb him and he would be mad at me. Which is the last thing I wanted him to be. This thought was silly though. It would be very hard for me to disturb his sleep. Mostly because he never got any. Maybe two hours a night max. I had seen him sleeping once but that was just a random time that I woke up in the middle of the night. I was certain he was awake now and I knew that I was in for a sleepless night too. How could I sleep with this man awake right beside me? Normally I didn’t care, but today I wished he would go to sleep and leave me alone to torment myself in peace. I gathered up my courage. “Ryuzaki?”I asked. I felt him shift and reply, “Yes?” “Could you please go to sleep?” I was so shocked that I had been able to form a complete sentence that it took me a moment to realize what a dumb request that was. I heard him turn toward me and say, “If I could go to sleep on command I would be asleep right now.” I cringed inwardly at my stupidity. “Oh… yea, I guess you’re right,” I responded. I resigned myself to torture and decided to just pretend to be asleep all night. I pretended until I was no longer pretending and simply fell asleep.

The next day I awoke feeling wonderful. I had slept deeply with no dreams and was very refreshed. I turned my head to share my sleepy smile. The moment I made eye contact with the man next to me my smile vanished. The events of the previous day came rushing back with full force. I froze. L looked down at me with his usual expression. Except as I looked at him I noticed that he looked a little more ragged than usual. His hair was particularly messy and the shadows under his eyes were much more defined this morning. I started to ask him if he was okay but the look he gave me made me change my mind. He looked utterly defeated. I decided to let it go and got up to get ready for the day. L released us from our shackles and we went about our business as usual. When we were all dressed and ready we hitched ourselves together and make our way downstairs. The day went by slowly but surely. I noticed that L was looking at me a lot today. I know because I was looking at him too. I could hardly stand watching him eat. He licked his fingers and made little happy sounds. It was torture. I managed to ignore my tumultuous feelings throughout most of the day though. The trouble started when the day drew to an end and I knew that we were going to repeat last night’s charade of normalcy. 

We said our goodnights and made our way up the stairs. Each step increasing the weight of the air around me, making it hard to breathe. We finally reached our room and I was nearly hyperventilating. The door opened and we stepped inside. L closed the door and stopped, unfastening the cuffs. Then he turned to me. He wore an uneasy expression. He looked at the floor and said, “Light, I just don’t know what to do.” I was puzzled. “About what?” I asked. “About this.” He looked up and grabbed my shoulders, turning us so that my back hit the wall. His dark eyes turned darker and his mouth was suddenly on mine. I was so shocked I couldn’t move for a moment. Then my body took control and I felt my hand curl in his messy, black hair. I tugged a little and he moaned in response. The kiss was instantly furtive and passionate. I bit his lip and he pushed his tongue into my mouth. My hands skimmed down L’s chest until they found the hem of his shirt. I grabbed it and slid it up, my hands flat on his chest. He broke the kiss for a moment to finish the job and stopped to look at me. He was flushed and panting and I’ve never seen anything as sexy in my life. I informed him thusly and he pounced, slamming me against the wall again with renewed vigor. L ripped my shirt over my head and threw it into a corner where it couldn’t interfere anymore. I scratched down his back as he ravaged my mouth and he groaned loudly. I pushed off the wall and began to lead us toward the bed. My body was aching from sheer want. I threw him onto the soft mattress and he grunted, pulling me down on top of him. We resumed our kissing and I started kissing my way down his neck. This pulled moan after moan from his throat as I sucked and licked my way down his chest. When I reached his waistband I looked up, waiting for a sign that this was really what he wanted. He nodded and I began unbuttoning the unnecessary clothing. I pulled L’s pants and boxers down and off and stood frozen, staring at the amazing man beneath me. He apparently was not interested in me taking so long to do anything so he sat up and unzipped my pants, pushing them down until I came to my senses and stepped out of them. I resumed my position atop him and kissed him passionately. He flipped us over and started biting my neck. I groaned loudly and dug my nails into his back. L then reached down and grabbed my painful erection. I inhaled sharply at the contact then moaned as he began to pump slowly. My breathing sped up with his hand. I stopped him after I couldn’t take anymore. “I need you,” I said, “I need to be inside you.” L moaned loudly and said, “Yes. That.” 

I flipped us over and looked him in the eye. “This is going to be strange,” I said. He nodded and visibly braced himself as I pushed a finger into him. L grunted and I paused, letting him get used to it before I started moving my hand. Another finger followed, then a third. I looked at him. “Are you ready?” He breathed, “Yea.” I positioned myself in front of him and slowly pushed inside. L cried out a couple times and I stopped to let him adjust. When I was fully sheathed I waited for the go ahead. L panted for a minute before clearly commanding, “Move.” I have always been good at following instructions. I started off slow but steadily worked my way up to full speed. L moaned with each thrust and I grunted into him. He dug his nails into my shoulders and I started working his shaft in time with my hips. He got louder with every passing second and I knew he was as close as I was. With a few final thrusts I went over the edge and I heard him call my name and felt him finish a second after me. 

I collapsed on top of him and pulled out, stickiness and sweat trapped between us. He held me, his hands still gripping my shoulders tightly as we panted together. As our breathing slowed, I kissed him in between sucking in air. I brushed his damp hair from his forehead and rested my lips there. Slowly he released his death grip on my shoulders and I grabbed my boxers off the floor to clean us off. I waited a moment and then approached the next kiss with a bit more gentleness. He moved his arms up to cup my face as we moved our lips together softly. We kissed like this for quite some time. Eventually things started to heat up again. “My turn” he said. I nodded. An eye for an eye.


End file.
